This Little Light of Mine
Remember as a child the number of times you were asked, “What do you wanted to be when you grow up?” You may have answered a doctor, nurse, teacher, basketball player, singer, or an actress. The adult will smile widely and say something like, “You can be what you want to be if you put your mind to it. Work hard, get good grades, and do your best in everything you do.” So we believed it. We told everyone that would listen to what we were going to be as adults. We played games where we pretended to be the teacher, scabs and cut and blood was cool because that we thought of ourselves as a doctor; and memorize the words to every song that played on the radio. However, something happened where our belief shifted from, “I can do it,” to “I don’t know if I can do it,” to “What was I thinking, I can’t do this!” What happened? What happened to those little kids with so much passion? We grew up. We grew up and allowed our bright light of passion, bravery, and courage to be covered with the opinions of our peers, families and the world. Approved life’s negative experiences to blind us from our potential and our fear of not succeeding to hiding our light. However, the good news is that the light is still there.
Unsettled issues keep our lights dim and from living life to the fullest. Inner demons can be a grudge you’ve held for years, a regret, the need to forgive yourself, or the need for closure. We adapt to living with our problems and even fool ourselves into believing the problem does not exist, but our character and personality speak differently. You see, those unsolved issues will never disappear but will fester at your soul little by little where you will not notice how they are affecting you and surrounding people.
An example can be you having a hard time trusting others. You may argue that one should be careful with whom one believes, and that is true. Having trust issues can lead to loneliness because you push away people who care about you and have your best interest at heart. However, having trust issues is not the inner demon, but the reaction of it. The inner demon can be a betrayal by someone close. It could be that you hurt someone and regret it. Whatever it may be, when you accept what happened, live through the pain, forgive that person or yourself, you release yourself from that inner demon, and your life will change for the better! The confidence gained from accomplishing such a mountain will encourage you to work toward your life goals.
Remaining in this state of mind will take continuous effort because being free does not erase what happened, and if not careful you will slip back into old habits. I combat this by reminding myself how far I have come and comparing how my life was in the past and now.
Life is compacted a bunch of “stuff.” We give so much of ourselves to either work, family, friends, and that is not wrong, but we fail to realize that while we are giving ourselves to these, we are filling ourselves with them as well. Before we know it, our brains are too full to take care of ourselves. At times, it as hard to fall asleep because my mind would not stop thinking about work, homework, what I forgot to do or what the next day would hold. I thought this was normal. I thought thinking ten steps ahead and being busy meant I was on my way to success; yet, it said I was on my way to having a mental break down. Exhausted and sick and I always had a headache and did not understand why until one day my friends told me he meditated. Meditation was never a part of my vocabulary, but he said it helped him relieve stress and empty his mind, so I tried. At first, it felt silly sitting on the floor in my meditation-position. How can I empty my mind? What does that even mean? I found Jbitter Sweet Guided Meditation on YouTube and did the 30-day challenge and wow, I begin to feel better! My favorite way to meditate is to focus on my breathing and allowing all thoughts to fade away. It allows me to give my mind a much-needed break. A moment of escape from life.
Have you ever stopped to think about how you are unable to leave yourself? Sounds weird, I know but think about it, you have the choice to visit and leave others, but you can never leave yourself. The topic of self-love can lead to roads of discussion, but I want to travel down three.
One is to find out who you are. The great question of, “Who am I,” is one only oneself can answer. The road is curvy with dead-in’s and U-turns, but an answer that must be discovered to unleash your inner light truly.
Accepting who you are is the second road. Speaking from experience, I knew who I was early in life; not saying that I am perfect and never needed to improve, but I had a good understanding of my likes, dislikes, point of views, habits, flaws, and strengths. My problem was that I did not embrace them but instead put on masks to fit in. I was doing and acting in ways that were contrary to what I believed in until I thought about what I was doing. Here I was tired and sad from being someone I’m not when the surrounding people are happy being themselves. No one truly knew who Breanna was. How can others want my company when I don’t love myself. I lost some friends, made some enemies, but then I gained a sense of pride and a new attitude. I begin to connect with people like me. A relief to be yourself and accepted.
Lastly, I enjoy being alone. Don’t get me wrong, I love to cuddle with my boyfriend, and I enjoy going out for drinks with my friends. My alone time is precious. It allows me the opportunity to be selfish and care about myself. I can unwind, reflect, and cry my eyes out if I need to. Loving yourself gives you confidence and assurance.
Before we can let our light so shine, we must be whole. Those inner demons will hold us back until confronted. We will never be able to make the right decisions if you don’t give our minds time to rest. Also, we will not feel comfortable to take the first step into whatever goal we have, either it is a professional or personal goal until we genuinely love our self. Surprisingly, being a bit selfish makes us better people.