Dear Diary
5/8/2020 7:00pm
As a person who strives to find the good in everything, lately, the sun has been dim. I have the understanding that I will always have challenges and hurdles to jump. I’m not saying that I’m above anything, or do I wish it on another person. But knowing that I do my best at everything I do and have someone try to tear me down becomes upsetting.
“Crabs in a bucket.” But I ain’t in no bucket. I can honestly say that I reach down and to each side to bring others up with me. I want all of us to succeed. I’m on your side. But since the day I met you, you’ve been at my throat. Why?
I hit rewind and play parts of life over and over screening to see if I did or said something to offend you because if I did, I am genuinely sorry. But as I review the film, I don’t see what I did to deserve your treatment. To not lean on my own understanding, I reached out to others, and they say that I’ve done nothing. I’ve tried to speak to you, but will never give me a straight answer. So my questions remain, why? Why are you giving me such a hard time?
I’ll admit, at times I tried to make you like me. I’ve done things that I thought would impress you and change your view of me. I have given you so many benefit-of-the-doubts that I’ve lost count. Like a snake, you are not to be trusted. But instead of killing me, your venom is giving me power. I can now hear you slithering in the garden. You’re very good with words, and a lot of people eat out of your hands, yet, I see you. Low to the ground is where you decided to live only to bring others down to your level. Your hatred is giving me more reasons to happy. You hate seeing me succeed. But once again, why?
I pity you. I feel so sorry for you. There is no way a person who speaks negatively about everyone is happy. There is no way a person who seeks pleasure in manipulating and tormenting others love themself. I hope and pray that one day you will come to love yourself and embrace the peace that comes from loving others.
It’s hard, but this is not my first rodeo. I’ve figured God put us in each other’s lives for a reason. And no matter how many tears I cry to push through, I trust the lessons learned are setting me up for something greater.
Love,
Bree
